Why

can't everyone everywhere just be happy all the time? I'm a fixer, and I want to fix it. But I can't fix one without hurting another. stupid.

Maggie is amazing. She talks all the time. She repeats back to me everything that I say and tries to tell me things. Too bad I have no idea what baba she is referring too. bottle? baby? bobby? bubble? baseball? I don't know, but I'm having fun figuring it out!

It's fun to have Brandon home, even if it's driving him crazy.

too much

I love my family. Both old and new. I would be lost without my in laws, they are a big part of my life now. I am so sad that we may be moving just as the semester starts with Alecia, Michelle, and Neil all here. I just want to be able to spend time with them. Alecia and Michelle especially though, need to spend time at school. It's their first year, and they need to spend time with their roommates and make new friends and experience the college life.

Why do people have to make their own mistakes? Why can't we all just learn from what the experienced people say and not touch the hot stove. I want to take away the pain for those that I love that continue to make bad choices. I want to yell at them and make them understand that they need to change or they will continue to be unhappy.

I love primary songs. I love that I have something to sing to my daughter that reminds me and teaches her that we are children of God, that we have a place we belong and a purpose in life. I love being reminded that my Heavenly Father loves me. It's very comforting, and I think especially so because it is sad in such a simple innocent way.

It is strange to me that sometimes when I have a move coming my way I am super excited and ready for a new adventure, for change and a new way to do things and look at things. Other times, like this one, I am not ready. I feel left in a void this time. I am very thankful to the Wildings for letting us live in their basement, but I don't know what my future holds. I am very uncomfortable with that.

I wish I didn't go in cycles of what crafts I like to do. It makes it hard to finish a project when I am suddenly no longer interested in it. It leaves me with a lot of mostly done things. I am proud to be learning so much though. Every new project teaches me something else. I love to teach other people to do those simple craft things that they thought were so hard, but in reality only take a couple hours at most.

I want to be more creative. I am in some ways, but so lacking in others. I guess that's why everyone is different. We are all supposed to help each other.

I want to write a lullaby for Maggie. I can't come up with the right words though. I feel like the music will come once I have something to put it to.

I am so sick of some of Maggie's toys. I want to take all the batteries out, but she's learning how to press buttons and cause and effect, and they are teaching her things as she listens to the dumb little songs.

Making friends is a lot harder now that I'm older. I wish it was as simple as when I was 5 and unafraid of anything. I wouldn't get rejected or feel ridiculous or inadequate. I would have friends to play with because we all had things in common, who cares that it was loving to swing and play hide and seek.

I never want to get so old that it's inappropriate for me to tuck my leg up while sitting.

I love hot chocolate. and caramel. and cinnamon. Together or separate, whichever.

I am excited for my friends to get married. I want to be more involved in their weddings, but I feel like I'm intruding if not invited to help out, even though I'm sure they could use the help.

I want to live in New York City, or Seattle or some other big city. I want to be a part of that big city craziness, but I think I've already passed the time in my life where that would be possible or even a good idea. Sigh.

Brandon has applied to at least 25 different jobs all over the country. I want to go to all of them. Maybe not Texas, that's too hot, but all the rest just sound like a big adventure! I don't think they recommend switching jobs every year or two though, just because your wife wants to move somewhere different. Luckily, moving furniture around or painting the house helps me to see enough change that I don't need to move every year.

I am scared to live in one place the rest of my life.

Maggie is amazing! She blesses my life every day with her happiness and excitement at the simple things. She is turning into such a funny girl. She laughs at some of the silliest and simplest things. Example: Bobby. Every time we say his name she just giggles. She's so dang cute! I love having conversations with her. She can say b, d, m, n, s, g, k and is pretty close on a couple other consonants. She mostly sticks with a vowels, but it's adorable no matter how much she knows. She picks the sounds that she knows out of the words I say and repeats them back to me. So when I start talking about getting in the car, she says ca! ca! or ball, ba! ba! or something like game she'll say ma ma! or we ask if she's a good girl and she says ga! ga! and keys are a kkkkk sound in the back of her throat. So cute! I love this kid. Though I do wish we were both sleeping right now - she's been awake since 5.

I need to pack.